The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
