wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
