I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
