i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
