come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
