the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
