I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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