I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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