If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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