I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
