i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
