Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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