You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
