I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A+ Viking dick
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
