this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
