Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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