a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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