did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
