If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
