Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
