Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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