Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
