hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
