I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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