The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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