Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
