my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
