i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
