dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
