If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
