how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
