and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
