Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
