You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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