I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
