Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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