the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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