hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
