Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
