3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
