Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
