Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
