How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
