Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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