so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
