The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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