I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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