i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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