I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
