you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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